Fuck Off!

So I'm kind of copying Sean for this as it is a recap of the month but meh who cares, I'm sure he doesn't.

March... March, March, March. Brilliant month for me if I must say, I've found out a lot more about myself and I've also found myself very taken with an amazing young girl whom I will talk about more later.

I've totally gotten back into my old ways of many things and I think I'm a lot better for it as well. I'm totally loving just normal alternative/punk music like what I used to. Although I do still love the few heavier things on my play lists, I feel like I'm going to grow out of all of that metal stuff. Still on music news in my life, after Soundwave this year I think I've grown out of the whole "moshing" phenomenon that swept over me over the past two years. When I went and saw The Used I just stood and watched and enjoyed the actual music and the show they put on, kind of makes me sad thinking about how much I may have missed in the other concerts I've been to in the past.

Now this girl of mine, I've given her a few mentions in my blog before and they've all been quite positive. This one is no exception. After about a month of knowing feeling but not saying them and about a week and a half of awkwardness regarding the possible relationship between us, we finally got to it on the 27th of February this year. A month together with her seemed to pass so quickly because it was just so good. The days I spend with her just seem to be getting better and better. She likes my nerdy quirks and she likes StarWars and everything (although she also likes Fraiser but I can forgive it because of everything else). I'm really glad that I'm with her and I hope it lasts a lot longer because she's not just my girlfriend, she's one of my best friends.

Other highlights from the month of March would have to be Wrestlemania and the whole of WWE lately. Shawn Michael was amazing as always and will be sorely missed. Finishing my half yearly exams and being on holidays. That just kind of topped of a great month. And realizing that I have another month left to play Call Of Duty online, any guy would love to find that out, totally put a big smile on my face.

...Because I'm actually happy with life at the moment!

I know, it sounds odd right, but it's true. The kid who has had shit going wrong with his life for the past two years or so is finally happy with what's going down (touch wood [thatswhatshesaid]).

My social life is good, I'm loving my friends more then ever and, despite one subject, I am actually enjoying school which is something that I doubt many people in my position would be saying. I have this feeling that it's kind of all due to one event/one person who I don't really want to be too explicit about but I'm pretty sure all my frequent readers/anyone who knows me will know about anyways.

This one person somewhat started a chain reaction of good in me, I mean, I'm still a bit of a dick to like everyone, but right now I feel like I'd much rather not be because I actually enjoy this whole feeling good thing and I'd hate for karma to be a mad doucher and take it all away from me.

Anyways I guess that's it for this one, hopefully I will be posting more ones like this in the near future.

.... Even though they weren't so great. In fact they were horrible. Actually no, no Myspace. I don't want to thank you for the memories. Fuck You!

Everyone, it has been done, as of 11:20 pm, Sunday the 24th of January 2009, My Myspace is no longer in existence. My Myspace as well as some other people who I want to have no more dealings with.

My more experienced and older readers would know that I started out blogging on Myspace and that was due to some pretty fucking shithouse events in my life. I realised that Myspace was one of, if not the last thing to do with all of that that I have been holding onto and now it's gone. I am sick of being stuck in the past and I want to move on.

As I said before I also "deleted" some people from my life that I had been holding onto, despite hating myself for it. This was honestly one of the greatest feelings I've had in a long time and all I can hope for is to just forget about them, and if I happen to see them somewhere, try and restrain myself from even making contact with them, because I would just be back to square one if that happened.

*A shiny new donkey for the first person who tells me what the tittle is from and what it is*

We'll it seems like all over blogger people are starting off posts with "it's been so long since I blogged" so that makes me feel a bit better about me neglecting my readers like I have been doing, or at least I think I have been doing.

Some what of a link to my previous blog here, I think - I didn't actually look back and see - just in case I'll say it now, I'm pretty sure that during 2009 I learned a lot about myself and my flaws and such I want to work on them. I am just here to say that I am already failing on one of the major ones as I found myself making the exact same moves on the metaphorical chess board that is life - I'm not too sure how life is like chess but yeah you get it don't you? - anyways, I'm doing the same things that I always do even though I know they're just the complete opposite of what needs to be done.

This would be an easy fix if it were something I had more control over but, of course, the only control I have over this is an option that I wouldn't even consider as it would take people, who I care very dearly about, away from me. I know what y'all are thinking now, it's a mix of "it can't be that bad, I'm sure" or "Wow dude, you're fucked" and honestly, the latter of the two is the correct response. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to break this curse and that just fucking kills me, even if the people change over time, I will still get the same problem happening. I can only hope that once it actually goes well and all I wont fuck it up, knowing my luck I probably will though.

P.S - I haven't actually talked about this to anyone so none of you are really going to know about it unless you know me very well and have managed to pick it from what was given. I'll be fine with telling anyone who asks about it but just be sure it's over a more private medium.
Thank you all very much for reading.

2009... Big year for me I guess, did a lot of growing and soul-searching and whatever. I did make a few mistakes and I'm not afraid to admit to that, as long as I have learned from them, and I know I have. A few missed opportunities and more then a few things just didn't pan out as well as I would have hoped. Despite all of this, when I look at what I have now I am more then happy with it all.

A great diverse group of friends (long time readers would know how important that "diverse" is to me), a great family who, despite being not too well off, can manage to provide support each other (major props to possible the best sister in the world, even with all the crap I give her), and a much greater knowledge of myself which I will not forget any time soon.

Now comes possible the biggest year of my life so far with what is probably one of the most important things of my life (at least that's what people keep saying) the HSC exams. I'm really glad that I know what I want to do in my future, the kind of thing I will need for it and that it is attainable for me because I know this is a big problem for a lot of people come this time in their lives. All I need now is the determination to actually buckle down and do something that would help with schooling and such because so far I've mostly just been going off of talent and skill, I can only imagine the kind of levels I could reach if I actually put my head down to it.

Yeah okay, I suppose that's it for now, thank you all for reading my blogs of 2009.

Actually no, not it yet. I feel like I should give some mentions to some people who I hold dear to me, especially in the past year, who would like to guess the first one? It's pretty obvious really:

Michael James Tozer: I really don't know what the fuck I would do without you man, I wouldn't be as good of a person, I would never manage to have as much at fun at school without you, and I probably would've killed myself in PDHPE. I don't know how you manage to put up with all my shit though, I can only hope that this isn't the nicest thing I will say about/to you all year.

Jason Gibbs: I know you don't read these but I wish you did man, I fucking love you and despite the fact that I feel like we're sort of drifting apart I really don't want that to happen but it's kind of hard with the whole Alice Springs thing. Can't wait to see you in Feb for Soundwave.

Megan Lees: Ahh Megan, how would I stand waiting for the bus home without you. I swear you and I have gotten so close over the past year it truly amazes me. I'm closer with you then with most of the friends I've had for years and I hope that that doesn't change when I finish school and whatever at the end of this year.

There a more and to all of you I will give slightly less amazing shout outs so here goes: Michael Gurr, Blake Payne, Blake Johnson, Sean Lees, Emma Nicolls, Paul Cassimates, and last but certainly not least (take that anyway you want ;] ) The Bala-BAM!!! himself Berkan Balaban.

All you of you guys are the reason I survived through this past year and I hope you can get me through the next. Much love to all <3

I'm taking a page out of Michael Tozers book for this one, except the song I have chosen to name this blog about is actually relevant. One of Green Day's classics just fits so perfectly with what I will be talking about here on multiple levels.

Four years ago I saw Green Day at my very first concert, I was very very excited for this, and Green Day had been all I had listened to for probably the two months leading to the concert. It was an amazing day all up and it started my love affair with seeing bands live.

Now last night I saw them again and even though I had not been as into them as much as I had four years ago it was possibly one of the best concerts I've been to and my enjoyment of them probably went up tenfold from what it did four years ago. I still remembered all the words to all the songs that they played (except for the ones from the new album) and I felt like an old school fan among the young'n fans that were there for the two latest albums. I've always remembered Green Day as a really good, crowd pleasing band, but after all the shows I've seen where a band would just play their songs, maybe have a little talk/promo in between and then leave-encore-leave I must've just forgotten what a big scale show like that is like, and Let me tell you, I've missed it.

My concert experience over the past four years probably led to the enjoyment that occurred last night, instead of just and and jumping and singing along I did what I normally do in concerts and moshed my heart out for the entire 3 hour set. There was only five or six other people who understood what moshing was and who would join in with me, but it wouldn't have mattered if it was only me doing it by the end of the thing. But these guys were great and we were all mad chummy by the end of it, I suppose that's just shows how well something like a concert can bring people together, would've liked to have gotten some of their numbers or MSN's or whatever but meh it's all good.

Unfortunately there were some not so great parts of the day, I could've gone without the ten or so hour wait for the doors to open that the people with whom I went insisted on doing, but I still got some fun out of it and they bought the tickets so I had to comply. Possibly the biggest hickup of the night was about halfway through the show where some fucking douchebag of a 40 year old jumps into out circle pit and tries to start a fight with us all because we were stepping on his feet. You're at a concert dip shit you should expect that kind of thing, get over yourself. Also, due to the three hour set list that Green Day played, and the extreme physicality of moshing, I got massively dehydrated and had to leave to get a drink a few times, one of which was poorly times by me as I thought the band had left for at least 2 minutes for the first encore. I was wrong and as soon as I got into the toilets to get a drink I could hear the into to American Idiot start, one of the songs I was waiting for for the whole night. I got back for the second half of it but I was still pretty annoyed at myself.

Best song of the night definitely had to go Wake Me Up When September Ends/Good Riddance. The two closing songs were well intertwined with each other to create an epic theme exit theme. You wouldn't really think these songs to be as climactic as others like Jesus Of Suburbia, but hearing 18 000 fans sing along is something that would send shivers up anybodies spine and will definitely be something that I wont forget.

Most enjoyable song for me was Brain Stew. Anyone who knows it would know how heavy and beefy it is all the way though and anyone who knows me would know how much I love that kind of stuff. This song was right in the middle of the show, just after someone had vomited in the middle of our circle pit, yes someone seriously vomited. This didn't deter me and one very enthusiastic chick from having a mosh-off of shorts. She would do her moves and then I would do mine, I'm not sure who won but I don't really care because it was fucking fun, despite the horrible smell and slippery floor.

Oh also, one of the six guys I was moshing with was Iron Jay from the Australian Wrestling Federation (AWF) and the I&J fish commercials. I just think that is pretty cool, to be moshing with somewhat celebrities. I would've gotten a picture and TwitPic-ed it but my phone fucking broke again before I got the chance so I couldn't get any pictures of anything.

I suppose that's it for this blog, a lot longer then my usual, but it's a lot nicer and happier then my other ones so it's all good.

It's been about 4 or 5 months since I quit my job at LameStar and Ive enjoyed the time off, I think I've done better at school since, but after about a month of joblessness I have been trying to find a new one. Coles, K-Mart, Woolworthes, McDonald's, Greater Union, these are just some of the places I've applied for and have had either no reply or an email with a copy and pasted "no thank you" message. I suppose no one really wants to hire a 17 year old who is just entering their HSC.

After my most recent attempt and rejection at Greater Union Liverpool, I have now decided that I will give up on employment until after the HSC and after school altogether. I feel this will benefit me in my schooling a lot more then if I did have a job taking up my time.

The money and the outings and the shopping and such will be sorely missed, especially the concerts and the merchandise, but I think it will all be worth it in the end when I'm at Uni and whatever. I suppose I have to get my priorities sorted out in more then just what subjects at school are more important or whatever.

I suppose that's it for me for this blog at least. No job for me for at least a year I would say, should be a fun year, y'all wish me luck in my HSC year.

and he knows good T-shirts, I am going to take a page out of @danilgee01 's book and ask you peeps to try and find me a name for my blog because I think I need a new one. The current one just makes me seem like too much of a female, which I am the furthest thing from (as seen by my newly grown facial hair that is here to stay)

I don't know what the prize will be but I'm sure it will be worth it so please contribute and give us some mad opinions y'all.

The Game.

Possibly the most dominant force in all of Moorebank High School.

Hell bent on winning, by any means necessary.

Please exercise extreme caution when approaching this individual in any form of competition for all feeble attempts to out do or even come close to finishing and beating the game will be dashed instantly by the Cerebral Assassins extensive knowledge of all things to do with winning.

Only few have had the privilege to say that they have beaten the game, this small group of elite, high potential warriors must now band together in the hope of defeating The Game consistently, by any means necessary. I write this in the hope that all those capable of beating HHH will join with me and a small task force in an attempt to overthrow the future hall-of-famer, and allow the praise that comes from winning to be spread to all those who deserve it, not just The Game.

So I tend to read a lot of blogs and they always seem to get me thinking. One recent one imparticluar, very recent actually, got me thinking about two things:
1. I don't blog enough. I mean seriously I've done like 2 of these.
2. I honestly don't really like most of the people who could be considered as my "friends"

We're not really going to go into number 1 just yet but I'm sure I will eventually, but for now lets just stick with 2.

It's really that I don't like the people, they're all really nice people and I prefer them to anyone else, but I just cannot connect with them. We will talk, make jokes but none of it ever feels right, I always feel like I'm just lying to them all the time, just so I can hold out on killing myself because of the boredom that would ensue if I were to just sit there by myself every day. I don't like the fact that I'm like this but I can't really help it. The worst thing seems to be that I haven't realised this has been going on for so long and now it seems like it's not really worth the effort to try and make a change to this. I didn't even notice that I was going through it when one of my friends who I like to think I'm very close with was going through the same thing.

This then made me reflect on the friends that I do have and that I don consider really close and that I always enjoy being with no matter what, there's six of them. Only half of which are in the same year in school as me, and only one of the the three that aren't actually goes to school with me. That cuts three of them out of actual hanging with at school without looking like a loser hanging with a whole group of the year below me and only talking to one of them. And the three that are left, I'm only in one or two of the same classes as they are and I hardly, if ever, get to talk to two of them at home on MSN or whatever.

Reading over the first paragraph I just realised something that the whole thing seems to come down to: Default Friends. People who you wouldn't actually talk to or be friends with, but because they're really tight with one of your good friends, you have to at least be nice to them. I fucking hate this to be honest. As some of you might know, I don't want some friends to intertwine with other friends of mine, I'm not sure if that's selfish or if it's normal but it's who I am and I hate seeing it happen. If it ever start I can never do anythign to stop it because telling someone to stop being friends with someone else because "they're my friend and I don't want you to talk to them" sounds amazingly self centred and would probably ruin my friendship with both of the people involved. I need that kind of seperation in friends, I need to know that I will be able to be with someone different once in a while and excape any monotony that would occur if I was with the same people and only those people every day.

I suppose that is it for this blog, a bit frantic and I didn't really conclude it well but I said what was on my mind and that's what I needed. I know that it's a bit hypocritical with the whole multiple topics in one blog but it's all somewhat related. Please comment and give me any advice you have on any of these topics, especially the first one. Adios my fellow five followers and any others that come and read.

I would like to dedicate this to Cake as he is awesome.

The close themselves off to absolutely amazing things because they are considered to be "uncool" or "nerdy".

Today I watched the new Star Trek movie on DVD, which came out on Thursday, and it reminded me of how many people didn't actually see it purely based on the fact that it's name was "Star Trek" while everyone flocked to Transformers 2. Star Trek shat all over that movie in almost every aspect. The action was better, the actors were better, the special effects were probably on the same level, it had a lot more humor and the story actually made sense. I suppose none of that matters when it's Star Trek.

I remember when I first heard about the movie coming out and I was fucking hyped as anything for it and I remember asking other people if they were going to see it and for most people, as you would expect, it went something like this:

Me -"Yo man so pumped for Star Trek movie, you gonna see it?"
Them - "Pfft, fuck not that shit's fucking lame"
Me - "Really? What makes you say that, have you seen the previews for it?" -(Might I remind you the trailers looked fucking amazing for this movie)
Them - "Yeah I have and they look fucking shit"
Me - "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Them - "Fuck you, it's shit bro. It's Star Trek it's shit"

I suppose it's their loss though, they can stick with movies like "Tripple X", "Fast and Furious" and other pieces of shit like that. Pieces of shit who's directors spent far too much time developing ridiculous action scenes where a regular guy out runs an avalanche down a mountain. You can all have those movies, I'll stick with movies like "Watchmen", "American Psycho" and Bram Stokers "Dracula".

People all just suck this way I guess. And to all who read this, I give you the legendary words of Leonard Nemoy in his greatest character, Spock:

"Live long and prosper"

So I'm gonna start to use an actual blogging website now instead of Myspace, which I've been using for a good year and half or so now. Some of the more important ones will go on Myspace anyway but they will also be here, or maybe I'll just give Myspace a link???

Anyways, I will probably fuck around a bit here just because I can but it will probably be everything about how much I hate people and how much people suck in this world of ours so stay tuned and I shall return to you soon enough.